Thursday, May 29, 2014

This one's a bit graphic...

I've been sitting here for about 5 minutes wondering what to write.

I'm going to be completely honest today - I don't have any idea what I've shared on here this week. My brain is tired. I really REALLY want to share good things, but my brain isn't recognizing them right now.

Yesterday was so stressful. If it wasn't for my friend Rachel and my mom yesterday, I think I would have crumbled at about 2pm, and just sat and cried until I fell asleep. My car died. I've been pushing so hard lately that March seems like a distant memory. The energy boost I had from my time off is all gone and I'm in the negative spoon and PTO wise. The Apartment is a mess, there are dishes in my kitchen sink and the pile of clothes in the bedroom is enough to make me want to light a match.

After my Mom left my apartment last night, I sat down to eat and a cat fight broke out. Our outside vagrant cat, Zeus (you remember him, right? Little grey and white cat?) was being attacked by a black cat I've never seen before. I had been messing with my new piercing, because I remember when I was 13 and got the first 2 done that I should mess with it when my hands are perfectly clean, and make sure to move it about a bit so it heals completely. Well, I was messing with it, Mischief and Mayhem launch at the window and then each other, and Charlie launches into me, making the back of the earring go flying, and my ear to bleed.

Crap.

So I yell at the girls and they run two different directions. I grab my water cup and launch outside to drench the fighting cats. The black one runs off, and I check Zeus over. Apparently he was winning. I don't know why I find that surprising, since he's brought me dead mice and last week he offered me a dead squirrel. Well, by now I know I need to go take care of my ear. Guess who ate my dinner while I was outside? Charlie? Mischief? Mayhem? My money's on Charlie, that he started it and then Mayhem bullied him away and ate the rest.

Crap!

So I throw the dishes in the sink and go tend to my ear. While cleaning it, I make the grand mistake of taking it out. Husband came home and found me on the floor. It was all just way too much - the jumping up, losing dinner, losing a little blood.

I don't say this enough, but Husband came to the rescue. I'm sure he's never had to put an earring on someone - let alone through a fresh piercing while the person is faint and covered in ice packs and sipping on a cold drink - lying on the floor no less - but he did it! My ear is really sore now. I can hear my Mom and Grandad in my head "Head like that's supposed to hurt!" lol. Good news is, it's clean and I'm going to be VERY careful to not mess with it near animals! My home went from chaotic, but kinda chill to "WHOA! RAOWRRRR!!! HISS!! OWWW!!! CRASH! BOOM! HISS!!!!Bark, BARK, BARK!!!!" in 30 seconds.

Today I've been working hard to make sure we have enough people coming in to help all the patients in need. I know Summer is a crazy time for everyone, but all the blood banks suffer in the summer, and that means patients have a higher risk of not getting the help they need. When I say all blood banks suffer, I mean it. Last summer was awful. across the state, all three blood banks were on TV, Radio and internet trying to beg people to come in. Usually by the last week of the month, I'm already scheduling the week after next. (2 weeks out.) Today, I've been scheduling people for Sunday and Monday. Summer has arrived again!

I'm so grateful for Rachel sending me Starbucks! The barista yesterday said "Beth! I haven't seen you in forever! Where's Charlie?", and when I told her that I had to drop caffiene, she almost cried for me. Either that or she cried knowing that her regular isn't coming in much anymore! haha! I told her how wonderful of a job he did in the nice restaurant last week. I'm convinced if we hadn't been allowed to practice outside and then *inside* starbucks that he wouldn't have been able to make it through the meal like a Service Dog. You see - we don't have a table at home. We eat on the couch, or sometimes I eat outside on the back porch, where I have a folding chair and milk crate I use as a table. So there's no place at home for us to practice meal time manners. I think that made the barista's day, because they always want to pet Charlie, but of course can't because he's working and so are they.

That's all for now. Hopefully when I get home I'll remember to post a picture of Charlie with his new toy from my friend "H". :)

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Another day another dollar and a headache to boot.

Here I am, closing up shop on another day.

I'm still covering for my supervisor while she's on vacation. Let's just say, I can bet money they're not paying her enough! Ha! Today has been frantic and fast paced, even when it normally would have slowed down. We're already gearing into summer - all the local schools have let out. That means blood and platelet donations will be down again, because everyone will be so busy with their own lives that they leave the donating to everyone else, but everyone else will do the same. So in the mean time we will do what all blood donation centers do - brain storm and pray that this summer will be different.

I'm supposed to be going home now, but I just got a call from Husband, who has been in charge of Charlie all day. The car won't start. The battery is fine, the oil is fine. That's the extent of our knowlege when it comes to cars. I'm so tired. I don't want to be a downer, but it's hard not to be a whiner and say, "When is it my turn for good stuff to happen?!"

Mom to the rescue. Again.

Tell me honestly - is this what age 28 is supposed to be like? Because I had it in my mind so differently! I had it all mapped out that I would be working, and healthy, and actually have a savings account - that I would be helping my parents. Instead, I'm perpetually ill and in need of a hand out.

Monday, May 26, 2014

I forgot to show off the new earring!

A pleasant weekend

Husband's birthday is today! We celebrated on Saturday by going to see "Mom's Night Out". We were extras in the film, and you can catch the best glimpses of us (I stick out for sure) in the church scene where the preacher is preaching and the mom is told that her toddler's head is stuck in a toilet seat.

After the movie, we went to the local tattoo shop (the one my friends and I poked fun at because it sticks out like a very sore thumb) and I finally got the nerve to get my cartilage pierced! I'm really pleased with it. It looks exactly like I imagined. I hadn't eaten a thing since noon, and it was 7pm. The car was over 90 degrees and I ended up passing out inside the building. The poor owner thought he was the reason I passed out - but it's really whatever weirdness is going on with my health.

Yesterday we ate lunch with my sister in law, C. I loaded Charlie up into my other sister in law, M's car, and off we went!

We ate at a nice sushi place and Charlie did a WONDERFUL job! Exactly what I expect of him and his training. When we got there, you could see the server wasn't happy that I brought him in. She was very warm to everyone at the table, but cold and direct with me. Throughout the meal, staff came and went - including a bus boy to clean the table directly behind us. Charlie looked at all the action, but obeyed my hand signals and quiet admonishments of "Focus mommy." (to remind him to put all focus on me). He didn't beg for the food, or whine. When I told him to "go night night", he laid his head down and closed his eyes. He was too excited to really sleep, but he pretended for sure. I could see him glance up at me, and then return to closed eyes. I was so proud of him! It was our first trip into a real restaurant, and he did awesome! The server warmed up to us throughout the meal, and at the end said "He is very well behaved. Have you had him long?"
I call that success. We won over another doubter!
I think Charlie and I are a great team. I even left my cane at home! I know he can't bear weight, but husband was with us, and I knew if I fell out Charlie would do his job.

So all in all and exciting weekend! I did pass out again after we came home. I'm so sick of it. I feel drained after it. But - today's Monday, and I'm at work. I'm up an functioning, and Charlie is enjoying his new toy he earned yesterday at Mom and Dad's house.
Can you believe he weighs 100 lbs even?!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

The sick day that rocked

Today I called in sick. I stayed in bed wallowing in pain, self pity and icky thoughts until 8, when I would have clocked in and been sitting as perky as I could muster in my cubicle.

I listened to my body's protest and today I refused to fake any emotion, or stifle it.

I didn't utter a word until my mom called this afternoon! Charlie knows some hand signals, and the cats were perfectly content to either sit on me, or ignore me all day. Charlie insisted I get up at 8, and he led me to the door, so I sat on the porch for 20 minutes while he did his business and visited Zeus, our homeless vagrant cat.

Then Charlie grabbed laundry, so I did a load, and then decided I wanted eggs. After cooking them, Charlie and the inside cats, mischief and mayhem, all snuggled down with me for a marathon of mind and pain numbing tv.

Now, I am snuggled in bed with them, and feeling better. I hate that I'm further in the hole for time off hours, and I hate I pushed duties onto others for a day, but I can honestly say I'm glad I did it, because I know I'll be able to face tomorrow, and I know I feel better than I would of I had kept pushing.

Sometimes it really is ok to just stop and be still, even when everything says "MOVE now!!!!"

Behold truth in action: messy hair. Messy floor. Kitty snuggles from mayhem. <3 surrounded by love like this, who wouldn't feel better and like they can face anything?

 

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

A super shawl hug!

My friend J stopped by tonight and dropped off a huge bag of support! In it was some lemon packets to make boring water better, and a la croix drink. Also inside was a huge bag of tasty decaf coffee (which I am sipping right now! Mmm!) and....

A gorgeous, snuggly shawl J knit out of yarn our mutual friend Tiffy sent her!

It was awesome to see J, but for some reason I felt stilted. I kept thinking "say something nice! Share good stuff!" And then my brain would say "you're taking too long to say something! Say something!!"

I'm sorry, petal. Please know it's not anything to do with you. I'm overwhelmed that you care and have done so much for me!!! Thank you for always being such a good and loving friend to me! <3 I really do appreciate you. 



Just a little update

Hey y'all! I just wanted to write you a quick update.

It's been 3 days since the last time I fainted. I am still waiting to have a tilt table test. I'm still not driving. My parents stepped in and helped me yet again - this time to get my medication. My insurance is no longer covering my daily meds, so the doctor is going to have to taper me off of them and onto something new to try. THANK YOU MOM AND DAD!!

Charlie seems to be rebelling a little bit this week. Apparently he's started challenging his place at the end of the leash. :/ Not a good behaviour to get started on! We've gotta nip that in the bud! Also, he tried to beg for my food last night! O_O I looked at him and said "Who are you?! Where's my boy??? I have a good boy, not a begger dog!" and he ducked his head and tail and laid down facing away from me. He's so silly. At the end of the day, even if he's misbehaving or mad at me, he has to sit as close as possible. Usually he ends up on my feet! haha. I told Husband that if he were any closer he could use me as a sweater!

My roses are blooming! They are so freaking majestic! I need to get a new picture. :) I cleaned off the porches this weekend, and I've decided to try and grow a few more things now that I haven't killed my roses. I've convinced myself over the years that I have a black thumb, but now I'm starting to wonder if it was just because other people...cough, cough, HUSBAND, cough!....came behind me and took it upon themselves to water or give miracle grow to the plants, thinking they needed it. Maybe the other plants were just over loved.

I'm on a group on ravelry.com called "Nerd Wars", and it starts on June 1st. I'm on "Team Impala" as a fan of "Supernatural", the tv show. I've already got some projects I want to tackle, and I think it might add another layer of fun to make things to earn my team points. Also, there's a chance if I earn the most points in my team I could win stitch markers. :D

My sister in law, C, takes fabulous pictures. I was given the best thing! A new picture of Charlie! I can hardly wait to see what it looks like when it's done! :) TTFN!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

It was a turrubull Thursday...but-

My roses have bloomed for me.
They smell so light and sweet too!
I want to collect the petals and use them in a bath when they start to look wrinkly. :D



Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Rain, Rain, go away!!!

I planted roses in a bucket 2 months ago. I bought them, after reading the label: "Blooms in June - August. Shocking Pink long stemmed roses". It was just a bag of dirt with a thorny stick protruding.

I suck at gardening. The best I've ever done was keep an African Violet plant for a year, but now that I have cats that eat plastic shopping bags and any plant regardless of danger, I no longer have inside flowers. The roses reminded me of the ones I carried down the aisle. I had always dreamed of a solid bouquet of bright pink rose blooms, with white silk and pearls. I got my wish.

So imagine my delight when the first blooming bud appeared two days ago! Yay! I can grow a Rose!!!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

An awful weekend.

Hi there.

How was your weekend?

Mine sucked. Let's start with a little bit of back story:
I've been having trouble with dizzieness, nausea and fainting over the past month. I've been sent home from work several times, and have had a heart monitor on - but my heart checks out ok.

I hate Mothers' Day weekend. The radio, tv, all social media keep going on and on about it. I don't attend church on Mothers' Day because I've been sidelined by phrases like: "Happy Mothers Day to a future mom!" and "Your day will come, honey! Just pray harder!". I hate sitting in the pew, and the pastoral staff having all the 1st time mothers, then veteran mothers, then grandmothers with the most offspring all stand and be given flowers, as if it's a pagent. I hate it.
I've pretty much come to grips with the truth that I won't be a mom. It is one of my dearest wishes to be one, but it's not genetically wise, and also I have infertility - so I'm not fighting it anymore. Still, it hurts the worst on Mothers' Day. So I avoided church, and Charlie and I were at our friends A&W's townhome just chilling and watching HGTV and the Food Network all day.

It got to be about 4pm, so I left their place and we got on the highway to go home. When we got to the exit before ours, my hands were completely numb, and I just had a nausea sweep over me. I pulled over at the local Starbucks and tried to refresh myself, thinking I was just feeling faint again. When I felt a little better, and my hands were only tingly, I decided it would be smart to stop by my parents' house and cool off.

As soon as I turned into their driveway (only about a mile from the last stop), I didn't have the strength to put the car in park. I nudged it into neutral, and tried to use my cell phone to call my mom. My hands were so numb and shaky that I dropped the phone on the pavement and it broke open. I tried to get out of the car, and ended up easing onto the pavement to rest, with my feet still in the car. Charlie was clawing at the back door, knowing he is supposed to stay in his seat until told otherwise. My vision went fuzzy around the edges, so I called him to me, and he lept like Rin TinTin through the seats (giving himself a rugburn mark from the seatbelt), and landing like a cat over me, without injuring me. He started licking anything he could reach, and whining. When he came through, my foot his the horn. "Ok.", my tired brain said, "Hit it as much as you can and see if someone gets mad enough to find you."

"Charlie. Get help.", I rasped. He left me, and I could hear him clawing at the back door. My vision really did go out, and my hearing was not normal. I kept trying to hit the horn as much as I could. I was scared that Charlie wouldn't come back to me, but I knew there wasn't anything I could do about it if he didn't. Not a soul seemed to hear us. Charlie came running back to me, and nibbled my ear. My head was swimmy, but I rolled over to him, and he tugged my pants and got my foot on the ground. I put my arm through the loop on his Service Dog In Training vest, instead of holding it like a handle, and he half led, half dragged me to the front door. I know he was as scared as I was, because I could see his big eyes, and he was acting like a completely focused animal, not at all like his goofy self.

Apparently he was able to make enough commotion at the front door, and as soon as the door came open I fell into my parents' arms. The next thing I solidly remember is complaining that my arm hurt, and the nurse telling me that my vein blew in my arm and the iv wasn't working. Apparently I fought through the entire thing to stay awake, and had given myself a fit of hysterics, making the situation worse. The ER doctor wrote in my medical file that I was there for dehydration and depression. Have you ever heard of someone having trouble with fainting because of depression??? I haven't!

If it wasn't for my parents, my good friend Alberta and a bit of help from my husband, I don't know what would have happened to me. I don't remember the ambulance, and I don't really remember being at the ER for 5 hours. It seemed like maybe an hour to me, because I kept coming in and out of it.

I guess it's time to get a medical ID bracelet after all. God knows if this happens away from my family, I would be in a real spot of trouble!!!

I was so proud of Charlie. I can hardly believe a pound puppy can do such an amazing thing, to fight for his human's safety. When I came home, I was completely exhausted, but we have a picture on my dad's camera of Charlie sitting next to me, leaning in and grinning from ear to ear.


I tell Charlie all the time that the people who gave him to the pound were so stupid to give him up. He is an amazingly sweet boy, and so funny. I feel like I might still be in the driveway at my parents' house if Charlie hadn't insisted on dragging me with him. Every time I fell and hit the pavement, he would lick me, and gently tug forward, like "C'mon! Only a few more steps!" I don't know why he loves me, but I'm really REALLY thankful that we have such a bond now. I totally trust him to help me get through my day, and he still has so much more to learn before he's an official service dog.

I'm sorry I don't have pictures with this, and it's so long of an update. My doctor has seen me, and is ordering a Tilt Table test, so check for dysautonomia/POTS. Until later, I remain your Beth.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

"It's been a really, really messed up week..."

So, I wore the heart monitor for the cardiologist and still haven't heard back from them. I've been sent home from work early twice this week, and I'm really tired, and strung out.

In other less dull and depressing news, I've been watching awesome documentaries on Netflix. "Hungry for Change" and "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" were really informative and interesting. I love learning more about nutrition and health. I have a few books on my shelf about "organic" fruits and veg, and "clean eating"...and with my Celiac's Disease and Lactose intolerance, I just feel like I've been on a journey of learning and improving my meal and snack choices. It's like that saying: "Do what you can with what you have, and when you know better, do better!"

So I've been experimenting with juicing, and now I'm working on dropping oil out of my diet. :) I'm really happy about experimenting in the kitchen when I have energy.


Welp, I gotta go. It's time to clock out and head home. Love ya!