He hopped in the Tardis with Doctor #11!
In other news, I saw the geneticist Christmas Eve morning. I'm really emotionally spent today. I can't really write about it at this moment, but let's just say it was a very weird experience to have a doctor spend hours with me and validate my pain and past.
I was diagnosed with Ehlers danlos syndrome by my rheumatologist, but my geneticist thinks I might have either hypermobile type or vascular type, or a complete other condition called "sticklers", which I haven't looked up yet. (I do have some info on it from him, but I was so tired after the visit and then I had to work and serve at Mass so I haven't read it yet.)
I need prayer from you, dear anonymous reader... So I can be tested because my insurance provider doesn't usually cover genetic testing for these conditions. Each test will run approximately 10 to 20 thousand dollars to run. But, if I have vascular type ehlers any of my organs could just decide to come apart without warning signs.... And if it's sticklers, I could have retina detachment and possibly end up blind. Obviously I'm praying selfishly to be spared those two outcomes and just have the lesser of three crosses to bear; hyper mobility type ehlers. In all things I'm reminded of our savior on the cross and of the little flower of Jesus, our dear Saint Therese... May all my sorrows, fears and all my pain be united to the Cross and let me bear pain so others may be spared or see the way to Christ. Amen and amen.
Tonight my Priest related a story of an excited 3yr old who led her uncle to the living room to gaze at a fine china Nativity set. She was asked by her uncle if she knew what it was, and she excitedly said "yes!!!!! It's breakable!"
The fragility of the baby Jesus, who came to be completely broken for everyone...to be broken for me....it's very heavy on me tonight. I'm so accustomed to thinking of myself as fragile or broken, and I'm glad to be reminded by my Priest tonight to unite my brokenness to Jesus', and my sorrow over my barrenness to the sorrows of our Mother's heart. I am spared through my medical conditions ever having to lose a child, while she has sorrowed to see her child born to die for all of mankind. I can only marvel and pray and cry thinking about it all.
Merry Christmas, dear ones.
No comments:
Post a Comment